(Source: catch-me-now)

• Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
• Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
• Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
• Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
• Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
• Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
• An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow dropped dead.
• A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
• Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
• An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
• A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
• Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
• An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
• Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
• Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
• Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
• A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
• A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.

hyperdelirium:

theceruleangrave:

ghost-of-vincent-price:

kaitlynthevegan:

sistercrow:

{previous comments snipped}

TW: Description of depression and suicide

So, one day you are walking along, minding your own business, when suddenly you trip and fall into this enormously deep pit sitting right in the middle of the path.  No clue how it got there or how you failed to notice it until you had fallen in.  You struggle and try to get out of the pit but the wall are too steep and crumbly and the ground under you is wet and muddy and you make no progress at all to get out.

So there you are.  Sitting at the bottom of a dark pit, miserable, with no foreseeable way out.  And then you hear a voice from above.

“Hey there stranger, you seem to have fallen into a pit, eh?”

“Help!  Help I’m stuck and can’t get out!  Please help!”

“Listen, what you need to do now is buck up and see the good things in life.  The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, everything is just grand.  Smile!”

And off they go, leaving you in the pit to contemplate how muddy the mud is and how little sunlight actually reaches you, and when you can faintly hear birds signing it is only a reminder of how far down and stuck you are.  Then another voice.

“My good friend, how nice to see you down there!”

“Help!  For the love of god I am stuck!  Help!”

“Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go hang at the mall today.  We could catch a movie or something.”

“I’m stuck down here!  I need help!  Get a rope or something, please!”

“Dude, come on.  Don’t be so down all the time.  If you don’t want to come you could just tell me instead of making excuses.  Way to not care about my feelings.”

And off they go.  Shit.  Now you are in a hole and you hurt your friend’s feelings and you kinda did want to go to the mall.  And the mud is really cold.  Your feet are starting to sink in and you start spending a lot of energy just to keep from sinking in so far they you can’t move anymore.  It is exhausting.  But then a voice that you know so well.

“Hey love!  How are you today?  I bought your favorite food for supper tonight <3”

“Oh thank god!  Help please!  I fell down here and can’t get out and I am sinking into the mud and I’m so scared that I might sink too far in and never be able to get out!”

“You know, you don’t have to get upset with me.”

“I’m not!  I just need help.  I love you.”

“Well you certainly have a funny way of showing, moping about down there in that hole.  If you really loved me maybe you would climb out so we can go home.”

“I’ve tried!  Really I have.  The walls are too steep.  I can’t do it.  I need a ladder or something.  Call the fire department!”

“Ugh.  You aren’t the only one with problems, you know.  Just earlier today I stumble in a small dip in the sidewalk and stepped in a shallow puddle but you don’t see me using it as an excuse to be all self centered.  You know what, fine.  I’ll just go home and eat by myself.  I hope you enjoy your little pity party down there.”

And off they go.

You are desperate and alone even though you can hear and even occasionally see people walking past the opening of the hole.  You call out over and over but nobody seems to care or notice.  And those that do give you trite little nothings.

“You should have waited till you were older to fall into a hole.  Why didn’t you think before you fell in?”

“Kids these days, leaping into holes without any consideration for the rest of us.  Grow up already.”

“You know, if I was in a hole, I would have a grand time of it.  No rules or concerns to hold me back.  I would make mud pies all day long.  You are in such a great position.”

“Cheer up!  If you smiled more and had some fun you would be out of that hole in no time!”

“Stop crying so much.  You’re making the rest of us feel bad.”

At some point somebody hears you and actually listens as you cry for help.  They run off and return later with a large crowd of strangers who stand around the rim of your hole shouting down more pointless little nothings and encouraging you.  More than a few say things like “think about your family! Being stuck in a hole is so selfish when there are so many people who love you!”

And eventually they all clear out and you are still in the hole and the sun is setting and it genuinely feel likes there is no hope at all.

The end.  No, this story doesn’t have a happy ending.  It doesn’t have a cheerful humorous joke to sum up the moral.  You sit in the hole until you get tired of trying.  You stop calling for help.  You let yourself sink into the mud up to your knees and waist and chest.  Your friends stop coming by.  Your partner leaves you because it is too much trouble putting up with you.  Your family stops by to admonish you for being down there and embarrassing them so much.  And someday you do the only thing that would end your existence in the hole and pile the mud up over your face and suffocate, because as scary and awful as death is, it seems to be a better option than living the rest of your life miserable and cold and in pain stuck at the bottom of a hole unable to enjoy anything or feel anything.  And that is the end of my little story.

Fuck off.

People don’t just decide ‘HEY I THINK TODAY IS A GREAT DAY TO BE DEPRESSED!’

The person who made this has no fucking idea about depression. What a complete asshole.

‘I’m not trivliaising depression’ err, funny ‘cause yeah you fucking are. Do you think people enjoy depression? Do you think they like the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed in the morning? Not even’t want, they can’t. Do you think they like the overwhelming feeling of disappointment, self-loathing and misery? Do you think that it’s their choice to be depressed? Do you think it’s easy to stop being depressed?
Yeah? You do? Well then FUCK YOU. I’ve had depression for 8 years, and even though it’s significantly better than it was, it’s still a fucking battle and it’s not just gonna go away. I’m trying to live and enjoy my life, but you know what? When you have depression things just aren’t that fucking simple.

‘I think people should see the bigger picture’ - a lot of the time, that is the problem. People with depression DO see the bigger picture, like the fucking state of the world or where their lives are going and it makes things worse. I would get into a giant rant but this has just pissed me off too much for words. Great start to the day. Thanks, you insensitive bastard.

See the bigger picture? Okay, here is my bigger picture. The world is corrupt, people, good people are dying for no reason, the economy has fallen apart meaning people such as myself cannot afford basics because I cannot get a job. There are people starving in Africa so what is to say I deserve to eat? I don’t feel like I deserve what I have. I’m grateful for it but I don’t deserve it. The world is a heap of utter shit in which no one can escape because governments are corrupt. Nothing is equal, nothing is balanced, we all are going to die anyway so what better day then today? These are the thoughts I am plagued with daily I did not ask for depression. No one does. Depression is not a state of mind. It is an illness and should be treated the same way physical illness’ are but it is people like this twat that make it so it is not. This has gotten me angry and in a way, I thank this person for that because once in a while, it’s nice to feel another emotion then despair. 

This entire post. This this THIS.

(Source: the-unpopular-opinions)

gothikka01:

I honestly could not stop laughing for at least 5 minutes. xDDD

omigosh what are words? XDXDXD 

(Source: nigel-gifs)

dumbpointyanimeshades:

fyeahcreepyshit:

Normal porn for normal people

Everybody knows that if you surf the web long enough, you’ll see some sick shit. This is especially true if you intentionally dwell into the dark underbelly of the internet. I’ve seen quite a few things I don’t care to admit to, but one thing that I’ll always remember is a site called “normalpornfornormalpeople.com”.

The first strange thing about the site, was that I didn’t find it by actually looking for it. It was e-mailed to me by someone I didn’t know. The e-mail was as follows:

“Hi there

found this site is very nice thought u might like

normalpornfornormalpeople.com

pass it on, for the good of mankind”

Pretty standard issue chain letter, although the url and the last remark really piqued my curiosity. I was having a very boring day when I got this, so I made sure my anti-virus was working and then I clicked on it.

It was a very average, very generic looking site. It gave the impression that the creators just BARELY gave a shit about making it look professional. The author seemed to have a very tenuous grasp on English, and on the front page was a long, boring, and incoherent rant that I don’t remember or have saved.

The site had a strange tagline (which even today people haven’t figured out the meaning of), which was;

“Normal Porn for Normal People, A Website Dedicated To The Eradication of Abnormal Sexuality”

And from the sound of that, I wasn’t sure whether I was here to watch porn or if I had stumbled onto some kind of eugenics program. But I was here now, and I was very, very curious to see what “Normal People” get their rocks off to. So I scrolled down through the rant and…nothing. The page didn’t seem to link to anywhere else, and I was about to leave when I noticed every word of the rant was it’s own hyperlink.

So I clicked one of them, and was sent to a white page with very long list of links in the form of:

“normalpornfornormalpeople.com/ (random letters)”

So I stopped for a minute and asked myself if I really wanted to waste God knows how much time clicking random links that will likely give me a virus that will rape my computer. I figured I’d just try it for maybe 5 minutes, just to see if anything came up. I clicked one of the links, and was sent to another page. This page apparently had totally different urls than the last one.

I was just about to say “Fuck this” when I clicked on the 3rd link, and a video download came up. It was called “peanut.avi”. It was a 30 minute video of a man, a woman and a dog in a kitchen. The woman would make a peanut butter sandwich, and the man would set it down for the dog to eat. This was all that happened, for 30 minutes. It was obvious that the cameraman had to stop filming and wait until the dog was ready to eat again, and the dog seemed rather sick by the end of it.

I know what you’re thinking: “What the hell does that have to do with porn?” I have no clue. I’ve seen a little over two dozen videos from this site, and the majority had no sexual activity at all. 

After watching peanut.avi, I went on a certain image board I frequent to play online show and tell, like I always do with weird shit like this. But someone had already made a thread about it, some guy who had received the same chain letter I did. The image board thread got lots of people with nothing better to do to dig through the site, and that’s how I saw other videos. 

Most of those two dozen videos where very uneventful, and consisted of people talking to the cameraman in a room with nothing in it but a desk and a few chairs. I mean literally nothing on the walls, or in terms of furniture. The whole room had a very cold, sterile feel to it.

The conversations where just idle banter about previous jobs or embarrassing childhood moments. I kept expecting some kind of discussion about what the people where filming or what the site was about, but of course, nothing. You would never know these videos had anything to do with porn if you saw it out of context. I will say one thing though, the people who appeared in these videos where quite attractive.

However, the other videos that actually did feature content which I suppose could be called “sexual” is where things got weird.

I’ll give brief descriptions of the stranger videos, if you’re really eaten up with curiosity you can try to hunt them down on a torrent site.

*lickedclean.avi*

A 10 minute video filmed by a hidden camera in which we see a repairman working on a washing machine for the first 2 minutes. When it’s fixed, the repairman talks to the owner briefly, and then leaves. The owner checks to make sure the repairman is gone, and he begins to lick all over the top of the washing machine. This goes on for 7 minutes.

*jimbo.avi*

A 5 minute video of a obese mime performing his act. It was actually pretty funny, particularly one part where he pretends to pull up a chair, then pretends that it breaks because of his weight. In the last 30 seconds of the video, the camera cuts to static briefly and cuts back to the man sobbing quietly, still wearing mime outfit and makeup. Some kind of obscure fetish?

*dianna.avi*

4 minute video in which the camerman talks to a woman in a room different than the “interview room”. This room looks like one you’d find in a normal person’s house. Exactly where they are is never specified, as Dianna only talks about her violin playing. She obviously plays her violin, but she keeps getting distracted by something.

I didn’t notice this until someone on the image board thread pointed it out, but if you look at a mirror in the background, you can see a fat man in a chicken mask masturbating.

*jessica.avi*

Another 4 minute cameraman video. This time he’s outside a house, talking to another young woman. They talk about canoe rides. The camera zooms out to reveal the city streets behind them occasionally.

The strange thing is: No one so far has been able to identify where this street is. Guesses have ranged everywhere from Europe to Australia to The Philippines, but there’s yet to be a match for the street shown in the video.

*tounguetied.avi*

10 minute video. The first 5 minutes consist of an elderly woman making out with a mannequin. The video cuts out like it did in jimbo.avi halfway through, and the scene is now a group of mannequins huddled together in a circle around the camera. The lights have been dimmed, and the elderly woman is nowhere to be seen. From this point on, there is no sound.

*stumps.avi*

5 minute long video where a man with no legs is attempting to breakdance on a DDR mat in what looks like the kitchen from peanut.avi, but much dirtier. There’s a radio playing music unseen in the background, but it stops at the 4 minute mark when the man collapses on the mat in exhaustion. 

He breathes heavily and pleads with someone off-screen to let him rest. This off-screen person becomes terrifyingly enraged and yells at him to keep dancing, which he does. You can hear this off-screen person begin to scream as the video ends abruptly.

*privacy.avi*

The woman from dianna.avi is masturbating on a mattress in the “interview room”, while the man from stumps.avi walks around on his hands while wearing some kind of goblin mask.

The door in this room was always closed in other videos, but it’s now open. In this video the only light is in the room, and the hallway is dark. Near the end of the video, you can see an animal quickly run through the hallway.

And finally the last video we uncovered, which was *useless.avi*

In this 18 minute video, a blond woman from one of the previous interview videos is tied down to a mattress in the interview room. She attempts to scream but her mouth is taped over. After 7 minutes, a man in a black suit and mask opens the door, but he does not enter.

He holds the door open for the animal that was running in the hall in the previous video. It’s revealed to be an adult chimpanzee, it’s hair shaved and it’s entire body painted red. It seemed to be starved and abused, with several wounds along it’s shoulders and back.

When the chimp enters the room, the masked man closes the door behind it. The chimpanzee sniffs the air for a moment (it may have been blind), and notices the woman tied to the mattress. It goes into a frenzy, and begins to maul her.

The assault goes on for a grueling 7 minutes, until the woman finally dies. The chimp eats flesh from her corpse for 4 minutes as the video ends.


The thread exploded with activity after this video was uncovered, and people discussed it long into the night. When I came back to the image board the next day I found that the thread was deleted. I tried to start another one, and they banned me. I tried e-mailing the guy who sent me the chain letter with the site’s url, sent him 5 messages and never got a response. 

I have tried to discuss this website on various places, and I got banned frequently. The site itself was also deleted about 3 days after useless.avi was uncovered, likely because someone contacted the authorities about it.

The only proof that normalpornfornormalpeople.com ever existed was a few screencaps people took, and videos from the site that people saved and uploaded on torrents. The most popular of which being useless.avi, which found it’s way onto a few gore sites.

Wherever you upload them to, all of the videos from normalpornfornormalpeople.com get deleted after a while.

eerie!

(via linduuh)

Facebook Ragefaces of the Day: One entrepreneurial Redditor recently came across the revelation that ragefaces can be employed in Facebook chat in lieu of boring old emoticons.

Redditor Soulholder explains:

These work by referencing the account’s ID. They’re actually Pages who’s display pictures are set to ragefaces.

See here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Poker-Face/129627277060203 = [[129627277060203]]

You can find yours by clicking on your profile, and then looking at the URL. The string or series of numbers after facebook.com/ will be yours. You can also get your friend’s ID’s by viewing their profile.

Alternatively, you can just use Zuckerberg’s face using [[4]].

For the lazy (and you know who you are!), below is an exhaustive list of ragefaces and their corresponding “magic number,” courtesy of Redditor RottingRyno: 

• Troll face: [[171108522930776]]

• ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME: [[143220739082110]]

• Not bad Obama:[[169919399735055]]

• Me Gusta: [[211782832186415]]

• Mother of God: [[142670085793927]]

• Cereal Guy: [[170815706323196]]

• LOL Face: [[168456309878025]]

• NO Guy: [[167359756658519]]

• Yao Ming: [[218595638164996]]

• Derp: [[224812970902314]]

• Derpina: [[192644604154319]]

• Forever Alone: [[177903015598419]]

• Not Bad : [[NotBaad]]

• F*ck yeah : [[105387672833401]]

• Challange accepted: [[100002727365206]]

• Okay face: [[100002752520227]]

• Dumb bitch: [[218595638164996]]

• Poker face [[129627277060203]]

• Okay face [[224812970902314]]

• Socially awkward penguin [[98438140742]]

• Rage face [[FUUUOFFICIAL]]

• Lamp [[100001256102462]]

• No [[167359756658519]]

• MOG [[142670085793927]]

• Feel like a sir [[168040846586189]] [[125038607580286]]

• Forever alone christmas. [[100002727365206]]

(Source: thedailywhat, via linduuh)

alicebizarre:

mettaworldpeacee:

seriously, god bless whoever posted this <3

Oh my… thats my evening gone! :D :D :D :D xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(via gothikka01)

fuckyeahndasian:

and this

(Source: donthavethetime, via linduuh)

starsinthegutter:

Hey guys! Giveaway time! 

This is for two halloween necklaces made by me

two original halloween inspired art pieces by me as well

and a jack skellington phone charm also made by me (XD)

and two special surprises! 

 The rules are as follows.

You can reblog this ONCE a day
You MUST be following me. (i will check.)
PLEASE DO NOT SPAM YOUR DASH WITH THIS! (no one wants to see that XD)
Liking does NOT count.


I will pick a winner on Feb. 1st at midnight Eastern time using a random number generator.  the winner will be notified via ask box! if they dont reply within a week i will chose again.

i will ship this anywhere in the world.

good luck! 

(Source: theoctopusdance, via sugarsickness)